dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You were trust falling into bushes
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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