just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
