dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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