Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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