So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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