i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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