no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
