i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just pee around me
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
