I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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