ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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