I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
