apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
