I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
