i think my mom watched the whole time
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
