In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
