Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
