Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Even my vagina gasped.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
