Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We are two peas in an std pod
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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