its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
