I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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