he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize