why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
