My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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