three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize