you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
