dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
