i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
