A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My vagina just recognized that song.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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