I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
