i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i believe in u and ur pee
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
