did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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