She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
