I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
