return my video game
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
