Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
