This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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