It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
