remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
