remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
