so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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