Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
