brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
