i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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