just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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