I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
