Sry I called you an 8
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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