i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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