why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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