Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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