Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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