I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
