pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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