Non-Jews are for practice
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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