mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize