Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
is wine microwaveable?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
