her vagine was all disorganized.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
and you fell through a lawn chair
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
