My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
