Fuck appropriateness.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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