If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
40s are totally the cure
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize