I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
