apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize