Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
