someone get that fucking seahorse.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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